of love & other things
by grandpa garbage
Summary: "You're a dork, Len," she said, reaching up to cup his head in her hand, squishing his cheeks together. "An adorable dork. Adorkable." noncest!Rin/Len


tfw you somehow write 6000+ words in a day whilst still managing to get the bare minimum of work done LOL ahhaha help

* * *

 **of love & other things**

For years, Len had tried everything at best to destroy his fantasies and look at his childhood-friend-and-neighbour in a less adoring way.

He'd solidified in his mind the idea that she was too far gone for him to ever imagine charming her. Not to mention, she was older, more mature and already pursuing Adult Goals, while he was still preoccupied with school uniforms, homework and quadratics equations.

Though they were close and knew each other long enough to rival a sibling relationship, he could imagine Rin's upper lip curling in a means of displeasure at any attempt of romantic advance towards her.

She'd placed him in a category labelled as 'small child whom I love only as a brother'. And, alas, his heart had placed her in, 'the only girl who I willingly would like to date and would probably worship the ground around her feet if it wasn't so strange to do so'.

It was a tragedy. An unfortunate tragedy.

So, for most of his time, he internalised his feelings towards her out of fear of rejection. And now she was leaving the nest and moving away to university, where she was probably going to find a boyfriend who she was going to marry and have kids with, et cetera, et cetera.

Meanwhile, Len was stuck reading romance novels from the Tokugawa period in Literature class.

"It's not that far, really," Rin reassured as she taped another box shut. Half her room was bare, the other half containing several towers of cardboard boxes. She tucked a strand of blonde hair behind her ear. "You can technically come visit me, or we can meet in the middle."

It was true. Rin was only moving to a dorm closer to the university campus, which was in Yokohama. They lived on the complete opposite side of Tokyo, in another small city, so if she didn't move, she'd be commuting two hours or more to her classes.

He still frowned, though, because of other things on his mind - not necessarily related to travel.

She chuckled at his face and pat him on the head. "Gosh, I feel like I'm leaving a pet behind."

Len's frown only increased, if physically possible. A pet? Ouch.

"Oh, Len," she said, shaking her head. "It's not the end of the world." She stood up, leg muscles flexing in front of his face, which he gladly oogled at.

"It may not be for _you_ ," he mumbled as she paced over to rearrange an open box.

"Hmm?" Rin glanced up at him, her eyes sharp.

"I didn't say anything," he said.

She raised an eyebrow, not believing his statement, but didn't press any further. There was a moment of silence, before she started talking again. "Aren't you excited for this year? It's your last year before you graduate."

Len shrugged his shoulders. Another year without Rin, yeah, sure.

"Have you started planning on what you want to do after you graduate? Like university, or something."

"No," he said. "I don't know what to do."

She cracked a grin. "No idea? You used to say you wanted to be a game developer when you were younger."

"Nope. I'll just become a housewife."

She snorted. "Well, you'll have to learn how to cook and clean if you want to do that, Len."

"I can work things out. My non-existent future family will love me."

Rin looked back down at the box. "Mmhmm."

He raised an eyebrow at her sudden silence. She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear again and started taping up the box.

Len licked his lips, nervous at the pause. "So, um, what day are you moving out again?"

"Next Thursday," she said without batting an eyelid. She'd probably been asked the question so many times, the response was instinctual.

"Oh."

Her eyes darted over. "What?"

"Nothing. It's just so soon."

"I've been telling the date to you for months, Len…" she began, scribbling some words onto the box she just closed.

"I know, I know," he said.

Rin tossed the pen she was holding to the empty floor beside him, then strode back over to kneel across from where he sat.

"Look," she said, smoothing out the fabric of her skirt with her palms. "If it would make you stop pouting at me all the time, how about we arrange some dates to meet each other?"

Len blinked. "Okay."

She reached past him to grab her schedule book. "Look, I don't know how busy I'll be, so I might not be able to make every day we plan but… by then we can make other arrangements, hopefully. How about Saturday in two weeks?"

He nodded after a moment of hesitation, recalling if he hadn't planned anything else for then (but he rarely ever did make plans outside of school, anyway).

"Okay. Saturday, let's say 11am at… How does Jiyuugaoka sound?"

Where the heck was Jiyuugaoka? "...Sure."

Rin smiled, writing it down in the book. "Maybe it's too soon to plan other dates, but we can always decide when we see each other next, I guess."

He nodded.

"Anyway, we can go to lunch and karaoke there. It'll be nice!"

He kept nodding. It made him feel happy, at least, that she wanted to see him every now and again. Though he wasn't sure whether she was just doing it because he was sulking.

She pat his head once more, then stood to continue sorting through her room - or what was left of it.

.

.

.

Rin ended up calling to change the date a week later, postponing their meetup a further two weeks. "A uni thing came up, I'm sorry!" was her excuse, and although it was a fair excuse, Len still felt pretty bitter about it.

In those weeks leading up to then, he often wondered what would happen if he confessed to her. He came up with three scenarios:

1\. The best scenario - she feels the same way.

2\. The okay, but probably unrealistic scenario - she rejects him, but she does it very nicely and nothing changes besides the fact that she's a lot more cautious towards his feelings.

3\. The worst case scenario - she rejects him and freaks out, and it destroys their friendship, and Len has to die to compensate for his embarrassment and broken heart.

One was the most ideal, and two he could probably deal with if it was ever possible. But in his distorted mind, he could only see three happening.

Still, there was some crazy streak in him that wanted to do it. It would be like shedding a two tonne weight from his shoulders and putting the devil in his mind to rest. Though, he really didn't know how he'd cope towards being flat out rejected.

He had no one to confide in about this, either. His friends at school weren't the type of people to ask advice about girls, and his mother would probably do the confession for him if he ever outright admitted his feelings for Rin.

Len, very hesitantly, decided that he _might_ confess, given the circumstances felt right. Maybe if he confessed now, he could get in before any attractive-and-older university guys beat him to it.

Unfortunately, he really couldn't see how Rin would ever be interested in _him_. He was scrawny and awkward, and the boy she used to bathe with when they were kids. Even outsiders made comments on their relationship being more familial than friendly.

She'd never dropped any sort of hints about potential feelings towards him, either. He could just be ignorant, but he felt it would be pretty obvious if Rin liked him… right?

Either way, it was a recipe for disaster, and he knew - always knew - that he had no chance with her.

It just kind of hurt knowing that.

.

.

.

During the hectic train ride to Jiyuugaoka, which involved him getting lost twice and having to transfer about six billion times, Rin had messaged him.

 _Hi Len! I'm on my way now._

 _I hope you don't mind, but I brought a friend from uni along with me._

On reading the message, he winced aloud, making the lady sitting next to him peer over in disdain. A friend? _A friend?_ God, what sort of friend? There went any glimmer of hope in confessing.

He replied, mustering a simple, _OK_ , and frowned to himself. He hadn't even seen her yet, and the meetup already sucked.

Len pushed his phone into his pocket and glared out the window, pensive. He had to wait an extra two weeks to see her, and now she's sprung some stranger onto _their_ meetup.

She was waiting outside the station when he arrived, an umbrella tucked under one arm. Her hair was pinned back and she was dressed pretty - which was strange, since she rarely dressed up for Len's presence - but then he remembered the friend and was like oh, _oh_.

Of course, the friend was nowhere to be seen, so he had a twinkle of hope that the person had bailed out.

Rin sensed his approach and lifted her head, offering a smile. "Long time, no see," she said, tugging him to her side and out of the way of the crowd spilling from the ticket gates. "Did you grow?"

"Huh?" was his intelligent response.

"You seem taller, or maybe it's just me," she said.

"Oh. Maybe I've grown, but I haven't noticed it yet if I have."

Rin laughed a little. "Oh yeah, is it alright if we wait here a bit longer? My friend is running a little late."

 _No_. "Yeah, sure."

"Sorry," she said. "I probably should've asked before inviting someone along, but it was last minute and he was _really_ keen."

His heart sank.

He. _He_.

Any sort of hope was crashing and burning by now.

"Len?" Rin said. "Is it okay?"

He realised he'd been quiet for too long, silently bidding farewell to his once un-broken heart. "Oh. Um. Yeah. It's cool."

"I mean, karaoke is always fun with more people, right?" she tried to justify, and he just ended up nodding.

Just as an awkward atmosphere settled around the pair, Rin's face lit up when she spotted someone coming through the ticket gates. "Oh, he's here."

A tall boy - _man_ \- with bright blue hair waved over at them. He strode up to Rin, adjusting his scarf and looking flustered. "Hey, I'm sorry I'm late. Miku was barking at me to clean the dishes again."

Rin giggled, apparently amused by the thought of this Miku person - or dog, who knows - hounding her 'friend' about chores. "It's fine."

The guy, dude, bro, _whatever_ turned to Len and offered him a warm smile. "I'm Kaito. And you must be Len? Rin talks about you all the time."

At this statement, Rin turned pink, forcing back her hair behind her ear. "Um, _jeez_ , I don't talk about him _that much_ -"

Len forced a smile - which wasn't really all that forced upon hearing about this new fact - and greeted him back. "Nice to meet you."

"Sorry for kind of butting in on your catch up, but whenever I hear food and karaoke, I have to come," Kaito said, sounding not very apologetic at all. "Rin's too nice to tell me to piss off, as well."

She made a sound of disagreement, and Len just nodded, dazed. He didn't know how to feel or respond to this situation.

After standing around for a few moments in an uncomfortable silence - Len brooding and Kaito beaming at his ability to humiliate his friend - Rin inhaled and said, "So, let's go get some lunch."

They started off and found a pancake restaurant, Rin making the decision on behalf of the group to eat there. She wanted to try multiple things off the menu, so they agreed to share three plates of pancakes with various flavours between them.

It was okay. Len wasn't a lover of pancakes, so he ate the bare minimum and just smiled and nodded whenever Rin asked about his thoughts. It seemed all Kaito cared about was the ice cream. Other than that, Rin just kept harping on about the dill on the salmon and avocado pancakes.

All in all, the entire experience had him wishing for a natural disaster so he could escape.

They paid for their meals and Rin lead the way to karaoke. As they were deciding the duration of stay, Len considered just being a dick and saying half an hour. But being as unwise as he was, he let Kaito suggest three hours - and there they were, doing karaoke for three hours.

Usually, Len enjoyed karaoke. He'd probably fight someone over the song menu if he was in a bright mood. But given the oh-so-horrible situation he was in, this time he sat in the corner opposite of Kaito and Rin, sulking over the all-you-can-drink menu while the other two aggressively queued songs.

"Aren't you going to put a song in?" Rin asked, offering him the remote. Kaito had already started singing.

He looked at it, then looked at her, then looked at it again. "Uh…"

She opened her mouth, and by the look in her eyes she was probably going to start calling him out on something, so he quickly took it and said, "Uh, yeah, I just, my throat kind of hurts, so I won't sing much."

She then left it, obviously believing his lie. (Or knowing he lied, but not wanting to pursue why.)

He queued one song - the most depressing love song in his music vocabulary - just because it was the only thing he could think of at that moment.

Kaito laughed as the song title popped up on screen, but couldn't express his humour mid-song - which was probably a good thing. Rin saw it too, and looked at Len curiously, like she wanted to say something about it. Instead she just rose her eyebrows, as if asking, _Really?_ , and he shrugged in response.

An hour or so passed of mostly Rin and Kaito singing, with the occasional push for Len to duet with one of them too. Not wanting drama, he obeyed, but made his (lack of) enthusiasm _very known_ during the song. Rin had made a couple of side comments about it, like, "Wow, you sound _so_ happy, Len." But it hadn't made any difference to the situation, so.

Kaito bustled off to the bathroom when it was Rin's turn to sing, leaving the pair alone together. In the ten second pause between songs, Rin turned to Len, an expression on her face which told him she wasn't very impressed.

"You seem miserable," she said, in a tone that warned him not to disagree.

He swallowed, fingers moving to fidget with the hem of his shirt. "More or less."

"I don't really understand," she continued, as the intro music for her song began. "Did I do something wrong?"

Then his chest tightened up, the same way it did when he was guilty. She had a point. She hadn't necessarily done anything wrong, and… probably, without insight into what was going on in his mind, his actions were unreasonable. Well, they were unreasonable, probably, full stop. It wasn't as if Rin was cheating on him, because heck, they weren't even _dating_.

Before he could respond, Rin had already turned away and started singing, and Kaito had returned. He sat on the edge of his chair in silence for the remaining two hours.

Afterwards, they walked back to the station. Kaito was talking shit about some TV show he watched religiously, and Rin was listening intently - or at least trying to - so she could avoid making eye contact with Len.

Wow. If there was any small chance of Rin feeling the same way as him, it was certainly gone now.

"Kaito and I are going the same way. You have to take the other train, right?" she asked him as they approached the ticket gates.

"Oh. Yeah." He wanted to apologise, really, or just say anything - but with Kaito there, it'd probably be awkward.

Rin watched him for a bit, before turning away to tap her card on the gate. He followed suit.

The trio paused in the empty space between separating pathways to each platform, and Len stood there, mulling over words in his head. He was so deep in thought he'd hardly noticed Rin waving her hand in front of his face.

"We want to, uh, make the next train, so…" she was saying.

He blinked. Kaito had walked ahead to the foot of the stairs.

"Len?"

"I'm sorry," he said. "I'm - I'm sorry."

Rin tilted her head, pursing her lips. She didn't say anything for a moment, just studying him with her eyes. "You know, if you're bothered about something, you can just say it," she told him.

She waited a few more seconds, as if expecting him to admit what was on his mind, but he kept his mouth shut. It definitely wasn't the right time to confess, or anything. Not with Kaito watching them, anyway.

"Well, I'll get in touch for when we can hang out again," she said, glancing at the arrival board above his head and edging towards the stairs. "It was nice seeing you, Len. I hope you feel better soon." She offered a smile.

"Have a safe trip," he responded, mirroring her expression. "Thanks for today."

Rin nodded her head, then hurried off, disappearing up the stairs with Kaito.

Len stood around for a second, his feet heavy along with his heart. There was probably a million better ways to deal with this situation, and what he just did was not one of them.

.

.

.

Rin did not get in touch for a while.

Len had time to think about it, and decided that, to be fair, he had given off shitty vibes. She probably didn't really know what to do or say, so she left it. He was a little afraid she was pissed off and didn't want to talk, but as a week of silence became two weeks, he decided he should probably make the effort to talk to her.

He sent a message along the lines of, _Hey, I hope uni is going well, just want to know when you're free so we can hang out sometime?_

She replied about half an hour later. _Uni is kind of busy, but okay. School is probably getting busy for you too, right? When's your break?_

He practically screamed out of relief when she replied, seemingly not upset.

 _My break is the week after next week,_ he said.

Rin replied, _Oh, mine too. How about we meet then?_

He smiled. _Yeah, sounds good. When should we meet, and where?_

They decided a day and time to meet at a shopping centre in Kawasaki to see a movie. After they finished discussing their plans, she sent one of those cute stickers she always used, and he couldn't kill the grin on the face.

The only thing that would kill the grin on his face was, in fact, his complete and utter misfortune.

Two weeks had passed and it was the day before their meeting, when he'd woken up to discover he was shitting himself and painting his bedroom walls in vomit (much to his mother's horror).

Nice.

It was as if the gods were saying _fuck you_ , and he knew full and well that he would not be in good form to go out the next day. It was already miserable enough, being so sick that he couldn't even move from the toilet seat.

He called Rin when he could finally lift his head from his bucket.

"I'm sorry," was all he said at first.

"What? What's wrong?" She sounded alarmed.

"I literally can't move 10 metres from a bathroom at the moment," he explained, sombre. "I doubt I'll be able to sit through a two hour movie tomorrow. I'm really sorry, Rin."

"Oh my," she said. "That's fine. There are plenty of other days we can see a movie, Len. Don't push yourself."

He sighed. "Of all times I had to get sick."

"Len, don't stress. Just take care of yourself."

"I will," he promised. "Again, I'm sorry."

"Really, it's okay. It can't be helped. Get well soon."

"Thanks."

She hung up, and he bit down on his lip, staring at his phone. Then he passed out on the toilet seat.

.

.

.

Len had ended up waking up in the hospital later that night, dehydration being the cause of his accident. He'd had his head stitched back together, and was mildly concussed, his memory from calling Rin to his trip to the hospital a complete blank. He was discharged the next day, but had to return for more tests later that week, so any chance of ever making time to catch up with Rin in his holiday had been shot to dust.

Not that it'd mattered much in the end, anyway, as she'd sent a message a few days later checking in on him - having heard of his misadventures from her mother - and claiming she'd seen the movie they were planning to see with Kaito and other friends. _So, if there's another movie you'd like to see when we get the time…_ her message had said.

He'd taken one look at the message, before just closing it and putting it to the back of his mind. He was, admittedly, a little mad she'd done that, and just decided not to reply to her in the end. It was probably a stupid thing to get mad about, but he got mad anyway.

They didn't talk for a month or so.

They didn't talk for a month or so, until Rin called at 9pm one night, crying into the phone. He'd almost considered not picking it up, still feeling bitter, but something told him to, and he was glad he did.

"Len, I'm sorry to call you so late, I just - I just didn't know what to do…" she wailed to him as soon as he answered.

"What's wrong? Are you okay?" he asked, jumping off his bed. There was a very strong urge for him to see her, to check if she was okay. He was already shrugging off his pyjamas, digging through his drawers for a t-shirt and pants to put on. "Where are you?"

"I'm at the dorm," she said. "I'm sorry, everything is just going wrong, and I felt like you were the only one I could talk to."

He grabbed for his wallet and train pass, shoving them into his pockets. "Where's your dorm?"

"It's in Kikuna," she answered, sniffling. "I'm sorry, Len, I didn't want to bother you…"

He jogged down the hallway to the front door, slipping on his shoes. "I'm coming. Can you meet me at the station?"

His mother appeared at his side before he could leave, her arms folded over her chest. "Len, where are you going at this hour of the night? You have school tomorrow."

"I need to see Rin." Sensing what she was about to say next, he added, "I'll catch a taxi back, it's fine."

She stared at him for a moment, as if deciding whether or not to say no. But through some miracle or something, she didn't. "Wait a moment. I'll get your father to drive you."

Len turned his attention back to Rin on the phone. "I'm sorry, Mum was talking to me. Don't worry about meeting me at the station, just tell me your address and I'll come to you."

"Are you sure? It's so far away, Len," she said, her voice wobbling. "I feel bad. You don't have to come out here."

"It's okay. Dad's driving me."

Rin whimpered. "I feel like all I ever do is bother you."

"You don't," he reassured, as he followed after his father to the car. He was busy grumbling to himself about _teenagers and their selfish needs_. Len would probably have to do a lot of ass-kissing after this.

For most of the ride, he listened to Rin cry into the phone and mumble the reasons why she was so upset. Mostly it was the stress of uni, he mused as he listened to her, and he felt kind of bad that he was being such a shitty friend by ignoring her messages just because he was immature and jealous.

 _Man_ , he thought, _I really don't deserve Rin_.

She was tucked up on the curb with the phone pressed to her ear when they pulled up in front of the dorm. His father looked back at him and shook his head. "I don't understand," was all he said.

"Thank you," Len responded, "I'll clean your car on the weekend."

"Uh huh," he said, disbelieving. "We'll see about that."

He climbed out of the car and paced towards Rin, who had lifted her head, watching him approach her in the dim light. "I'm sorry," she said for the upteenth time that night as he crouched down beside her.

Len gazed at her tear-stained face, her puffy eyes and tousled hair. She was hugging her knees to her chest, digging her fingers into her arms.

"It's fine," he said. "It's really fine."

"I've cried so much that I can't cry anymore, and my head hurts so much." She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, sniffling. "Thank you for coming to see me. I would confide in someone else if I could, but…" Her face screwed up, and she choked out a sob.

He put his arm around her shoulders, pulling her close to his chest. Her knees hit his thighs as she lifted a hand to bunch up the collar of his shirt.

"I'm so stupid," she mumbled. "You know Kaito? I kind of fucked up. He told me he liked Miku, and somehow I let myself blab, and Miku found out. Now they're not talking, and Kaito hates me, and I feel like such a mistake."

"That's… such a stupid thing to hate someone about," Len said, swallowing carefully, slightly dazed by Rin's breath tickling the skin at the nape of his neck.

"Miku got upset because she had to reject him," Rin explained. "She told him she's a lesbian, and she's dating Gumi. Kaito got mad, because he doesn't understand it. Now no one is talking, and everyone is mad at me. It's all my fault."

"It's not your fault," he said, defensive. "They're the ones who made the decision to be mad about it. You can't change what already is, just by being mad about it."

In that moment, after those words, he felt a little bit like a hypocrite.

"Maybe," Rin agreed in a small voice. "I just have no friends now, Len. No one will sit with me at dinner. And today, I got marks back from a mid semester exam and it turns out I'd failed it. I thought I was doing so well. All I wanted was for someone to care, someone to cry to tonight, but no one did and no one was there."

"I care, and I'm here."

She laughed, soft against his neck, and he fought the urge to shudder, a very unpleasant sensation developing down below. If she looked down now, there would be no way to rationally explain what her poor eyes would witness.

"Thank you, Len."

"I'm sorry you failed that exam. I know you study hard and try your best, so I can only imagine how bad it must make you feel."

"Mmm." The tips of her fingers grazed his collarbone, and he could feel himself melting ever so slowly.

He wished it was a different situation, because if it was, he would've kissed her. But he knew better.

"Len," Rin then said, the tone of her voice turning serious. For a split moment, he panicked, thinking she'd seen his… you know, but then she continued. "Are you angry with me?"

"Uh…" he said. She looked up at him from under wet eyelashes. "Not angry, no."

For a second, he thought she might start crying again, but she swallowed and glanced away. "But I've done something that's upset you, right?"

He knew he had to be honest. Probably lying to her would only hurt her more in the long run. "It's… complicated," he responded. She raised her eyes to his again, sitting upright. "It's not, you know, you or your fault or anything. I know you're not doing anything intentional to upset me. I'm just… I'm, uh, I'm jealous, I guess. I'm jealous and…" He trailed off, deciding against his next words.

No, no. Just no.

Rin waited, hoping he'd finish his sentence, but when she'd noticed he'd clammed up and wasn't saying any more, she spoke up. "Jealous?" she repeated slowly. "Jealous of what?"

He hesitated to respond, and it was then she started piecing things together. "Oh. _Oh._ You're jealous of my friends. Like Kaito."

He didn't react, but his lack of response was enough to confirm her guess. There was a trace of a smile on her lips, giving away what she thought of the situation. "Why? You'll always be special to me. Kaito… Kaito, or anyone else, can't just _replace_ you, or whatever. That's stupid."

Len wanted to say, _no, it's not that_. He desperately wanted to let it all out. But God, it was never the right time to say such a thing.

"Look, it was probably a bad idea to agree to let Kaito tag along when we went to Jiyuugaoka that one time," she mused. "I don't blame you for being upset about that, because it was kind of a you-and-me thing, and I definitely didn't check it was okay with you, either."

He nodded, at least agreeing with that point. He wanted to confess, he wanted to say more, to add to it, to admit everything, but his lips couldn't move. He was afraid he'd vomit if he opened them.

Then Rin sighed, staring at her knees. "I mean, I did tell you that you can shout if I do something to upset you, though…" she said. "So why didn't you say anything?"

Len forced a hand through his fringe, frustrated he couldn't get the words out. She watched him, waiting for a reason, for him to admit to something she couldn't figure out.

He wished so desperately he could find another reason to offer, but there was nothing. And he didn't know how to say it at all.

"I… I'm…" he tried, the words getting tangled and lost on the tip of his tongue. The burn of her gaze wasn't helping much, either. "I… ah, fuck."

He put his head in his hands and rubbed furiously at his face. He rubbed and rubbed, until finally, _some_ sort of language came to him.

"You know how when we were kids," he began, drawing out every syllable, almost sounding drunk in his speech. Rin watched intently, curious to hear his response. "We used to play that game all the time in your room, and I'd be the dad and you'd be the mum, and you would put on your mum's high heels and I'd put on my dad's tie, and we would pretend your soft toy collection were our kids."

She was nodding, a line forming between her eyebrows. She was confused. To be frank, he didn't blame her.

"Yeah," she said, an uncertain smile tugging her lips. "I remember."

"There was a time - uh - when I started w-wishing that could be us in the future, too," he stammered out. He was too anxious to notice the weight disappearing from his shoulders, or anything of the sort. He'd diverted his gaze to the road, staring at it intently, not wanting to see her face. "Maybe, um, maybe that has something to do with it…"

It was silent for a moment as Rin's mind processed what he'd just implied. She then began to slowly lean away, her eyes wide.

It was outcome three. The worst outcome. A thirty three percent chance, he'd gotten the worst outcome.

"I'm sorry, I didn't want to - talk about it right now with everything that's happening in your life, and - just, I'm sorry," he blurted, his skin breaking out into flames. He couldn't look at her.

Rin didn't say anything. He wasn't even sure if she was still next to him. For all he knew, she could've taken off running.

Then, she did say something. "I'm kind of shocked, to say the least."

Len swallowed. "Yeah."

"Um, I didn't know that you… you felt that way, and I feel kind of stupid for not knowing," she continued.

Tears were starting to sting his eyes. Now it was his turn to cry. He never knew rejection would hurt _so much_.

Rin peered around at him, trying to get in his way of vision. She spotted his tears and a look of panic crossed her face.

"No, don't cry! Len - I - oh man." She kneeled in front of him, catching his tears with her thumbs. She exhaled. "Don't cry yet."

"I'm sorry," he mumbled.

"Len," she then said, solemn. "Look, I wanted to wait for you to graduate before I said anything…"

Wait, wait, wait. _What?_

 _What is she going on about?_ he thought, staring at her with confusion. _Is she going to tell me she's also gay? Or worse - she's been betrothed to someone?_

"I wanted to wait for you to graduate, because us dating while you were still in high school wouldn't go down well with our peers," she finished.

 _What? What?!_

"I was going to confess to you then, but it seems I was totally ill-prepared and oblivious enough to not see this coming." Rin cracked a grin, tucking her hair behind her ear. "You beat me to it."

Len's mouth had dropped open. Wow. Well. That was not what he was expecting.

"Wait," he said, holding up a hand. "You… like me?"

She blinked. "Yes."

Without a second thought, he reached out with both hands and pulled her head forward to plant a kiss on her forehead. Her hair smelt like her favourite shampoo, grapefruit scented.

Rin had squeaked in surprise at his sudden movement, but began to laugh after a moment of stunned silence. "Of all places you could kiss me," she said, as he pulled away, "you choose my forehead."

Len couldn't stop smiling. "Well, if I kissed you on the lips, maybe you wouldn't want that," he pointed out.

She shook her head, chuckling, her hands digging into the fabric of his shirt. "If I just admitted I like you, would it not occur to you that I've probably daydreamed about kissing you on the lips at some point?"

"Maybe not," he said, still grinning.

"You're a dork, Len," she said, reaching up to cup his head in her hand, squishing his cheeks together. "An adorable dork. Adorkable."

"I fweel honwoured."

She smiled, shaking her head, before she released his face and sighed. "You have school tomorrow," she stated, as if she suddenly just remembered.

"That's correct."

"You should go home."

"I should, I should," he agreed, wiggling his eyebrows.

Rin rolled her eyes. "No. I know what you're thinking, and _no_."

Len pouted, but having no energy to argue _and_ knowing better, reached into his pocket for his phone to call a taxi.

"Wait a minute," she said, stopping his hand. "I'll give you some money to get home. I know it's going to kill your allowance."

"But what about you?"

"I have a job," was her excuse.

Well, he couldn't really argue with that, he supposed.

They went inside, Len following after her to her room. The dorm was quiet, most students probably asleep or studying, like sensible people. She'd grabbed his hand, entangling her fingers between his, as she lead him down the hall to her door.

Her room was filled with familiar things he recognised from her home. She'd even hung pictures of them on a string above her bed, alongside pictures with other friends and family.

She released his hand to dig for her wallet in her bag, counting out money. She handed him a ￥10,000 note. "It's… probably not enough for the whole trip, I don't think. I can reimburse you the rest later."

"It's fine, don't worry about it," he said. "You didn't have to give me this much. Thank you."

Rin smiled up at him, stepping closer. Her hot breath fanned his face, and it was enough to make him feel dizzy.

He dipped his head to meet her lips and they kissed, hesitant and careful, with a hint of relief. She gripped at his shirt, bunching it up and pulling him in, and he placed his hands on her waist, feeling the warmth of her stomach radiating through her shirt.

Never in a million years would Len have imagined this to be real. But it was.

Rin slowly pulled away, tugging at his shirt to bring him back to reality. "I would love to do this all night," she said, breathless. "But I also want you to get good grades. We can do this another time, Len."

He felt like every inch of his skin was on fire, but it was a _good_ fire, and it made him so warm inside. If he was a Christmas tree, he'd be glowing. "I'm probably not going to be able to sleep tonight," he admitted, as she turned him to the door.

"Probably not," she agreed. "Neither will I. But you might as well try."

"When can we do this again?" he asked.

"Soon."

"How soon is soon?"

"Next weekend. But we can discuss that later, okay?"

His heart raced at the thought. "Okay."

Much to his disappointment, they were already out the front door of the dorm. Rin waited as he called a taxi, leaning against his shoulder.

When the headlights of Len's ride home appeared at the end of the road, they turned to each other and kissed again.

"I hope you're feeling better, at least a little," he said when they broke apart.

Rin nodded. "I do. It was kind of the last thing I was expecting, to be honest."

The taxi pulled up and they said their goodbyes.

Before Len left, she quickly pulled him back and whispered into his ear, "I'll be thinking of you."

He thought his heart was going to explode during that ride home.

* * *

coughs everywhere idk how I did this but I did it. it deteriorates at the end bc uhhhhhh romance ? ? Nani is that? wat is kiss can u toch? ? ?

LOL me yesterday like "uhh yeah I have no time" but like really tho, I don't have time, today just happened to be my (only) free day in like over a week and so I was resting and doing the Necessities. it's a miracle I managed to write an entire oneshot in a day, like a oneshot that isn't just bullshit, something crazy happened and I know i'll never have a good writing day like this for another 3 years. Pls Pray 4 Me

Anyway I am DYINg and I still have h/w to do whoops :') mistake. Please heal my throat it feels like I'm deep throating a cactus it not gude.

TBH this was entirely written to quench me thirst for some goo because I'm selfish, but as I read over it, some of the stuff I wrote kind of hits home and I feel like it's a low key call out post me. it is always an internal war. within Myself.

(Len: "ah, fuck"  
Me: YO SAME)

I'll probably return to indulge in my fantasies more and write like an extra chapter of just smut for this so gg (also bc it feels sort of unresolved but i dont want to write anymore atm so ya)

also I Love the older!rin trope haha Bye send recommendations of older!Rinxlen pls or someone out there just write more of it (FEED M E)


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